The transition in nature from one season to the next is an intricate and fascinating process, like a tapestry, weaving its changes over time. From the blooming of the flowers in the spring to the shedding of the leaves in autumn; the cycles of nature can contribute to the creation of a dynamic journey. As the seasons begin to transition, harvesting the growth, watching the leaves change color and breathing in the cold crisp air of the first frost is like a constant state of evolving and adapting. With these changes, the approaching holidays beckon our attention and brings excitement and smiles. Before too long, everyone is placing a pumpkin or two by the front door and clearing all of the fallen leaves. Soon after, turkey platters, Christmas lights and bubbly champagne is the norm. The first holiday season after my father died was a blur for me; I was on auto pilot. However, when the second year rolled around, the thought of decorating a Christmas tree was miserable. The season felt isolating and overwhelming, especially when the world around me seemed to be filled with joy and celebration. The contrast between the festive atmosphere and the heavy burden of grief amplified the unpleasant feelings.
Going through the holiday season with grief taught me that I don’t have to engage in the season of perpetual hope in the same manner with which society was suggesting. I began to acknowledge my feelings and give myself permission to feel sad, angry, and overwhelmed. While old holiday traditions were not painful, I did scale back though. I also created new traditions that honored how I was feeling and at the same time, I embarked on the memories of my dad.
As you approach this time of the year, tell yourself it is okay to set boundaries. Say no to certain events or gatherings if you feel they are too much to handle; this is taking control in a good way to steer your mental and emotional well-being. Reach out to friends, family, or support groups and talk with others who understand your journey. It can help provide comfort and reduce feelings of isolation.
Also, consider finding a way to honor your loved one and include memories into your holiday celebrations by lighting a candle, sharing stories, or creating a special memento. Take care of you by paying attention to your physical health; eat well, get enough rest, and engage in activities that you enjoy and find relaxing.
Above all, allow yourself to grieve, but also understand that it’s okay to experience moments of joy and laughter during this time, as in those moments, hope is restored and becomes part of the healing process.
Despite the heaviness of grief, there can still be moments of beauty and magic during the holiday season found in small, unexpected places and not just in the sometimes-chaotic traditional sense of the holiday. Transitioning during this time is challenging, but by honoring your feelings and seeking support, you can navigate this time with hopeful compassion for yourself.
Lisa Story, Guest Columnist
Lisa Story, a nature enthusiast, is the founder of Hope Grows, a non-profit organization Cultivating Caregiver Wellness. A Licensed Professional Counselor and Certified Thanatologist, Lisa’s professional experience in grief & bereavement and the connection to the natural world has led her to the path of the non-profit. She also holds Certificates in Addictions Counseling and Horticultural therapy.